How Important is a schedule for your baby?

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

What are your thoughts on having a [strict] schedule for your baby? Is it necessary? How did you establish a schedule if you have one?

The fact that Corbin is not on a schedule has been on my mind lately and I have mixed emotions about whether or not to try to establish a stricter routine. To be honest, the thought somewhat overwhelms me because our life is not very routine. I went back to work part-time about a month ago and I work Wednesday – Friday 9a-5p. From about April-October, I have photo shoots almost every weekend – and when we shoot a wedding, that is an all-day event and we do not get home until late at night. I also have photo shoots and/or client meetings almost every Monday (which is supposed to be an off-day to stay home with Corbin and get editing done), but it just hasn’t worked out that way lately. We have our Bible study every Monday night and I have yoga every Tuesday evening for an hour. Wow when I type it all out – I sound like a crazy woman who never gets to see her baby – but that is definitely not the case! I spend all my free time with him, which is why I am way behind on editing, blogging and all other tasks related to my photo biz.

I started out nursing on demand and continue to do so, so he does not have regulated feeding times. He has naturally adapted to eating about every 3-4 hours after he wakes up in the morning, which is pretty normal for his age. We do not have a set bedtime, wake up time, or nap times, either. He started sleeping through the night at 8 weeks all on his own and has continued to do so ever since. He goes down for naps & for the night when he lets me know he is tired. I lay him down awake at the first signs of being tired (he gets a little fussy or just starts rubbing his eyes) and he is usually relieved to be down, finds his thumb, and is out in no time. Sometimes he is down for the night at 8:30pm, sometimes it is 11pm…it all depends on what we are doing that evening and/or when his last nap was.

So far not having a schedule is working out fine and he is a very adaptable baby. I like not having to plan errands or outings around a nap schedule, however on the days when I am not at work and need to be working from home on my photography, I am finding that I am not getting as much done and I wonder if it is partially due to the fact that we are not on a schedule. Some days he will take really good naps, other days he will just cat nap off and on all day and that makes it really hard to get anything done. I find myself being the most productive after he is asleep for the night and that means I am working until the wee hours of the morning and don’t get to go to bed with my husband:(

Suggestions? Advice?

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11 comments

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Elaine - August 19, 2010 - 12:43 pm

We didn’t consciously put Harper on a schedule when she was first born. She ate and slept whenever she wanted and that worked for us. I think it helped make her into the easy going/go with the flow kid that she is. When she started baby school (at 1 year old), they had set times when the kids ate and slept. We try to match that schedule at home and now we have a set bedtime too. It seems to be working well for her and us. I think we avoid a lot of typical 2 year old issues because she knows what to expect. It’s not something we had a strict plan for, but it’s evolved into something that works well for our family. And, really that’s the most important thing. You have to find something that works for you.

Margi - August 19, 2010 - 12:53 am

Judging by most people’s comments, we start out as scheduled parents and let it go as more kids come along! My first (now 7) was a bottle baby so it worked to schedule a little more. He had 10 hour nights and 4 hours naps and ate every 4 hours on the button! Our 2nd was colicky and there was no scheduling… it would’ve been impossible with all his crying; he’s now almost 5 and a well-adjusted little kid. Now our 3rd (I think I was due the same day as you? He was born April 10, 9 days early) is exclusively breastfed and it’s completely on demand. Like you say, his nights and naps are very erratic; I can’t depend on anything! He eats every 2 hours, give or take and I think it’s awesome. I used to say you had to have a strict schedule but my first was just enough laid back that it worked. Some kids need it, some are ok without. Do what you feel is right; if this is working for you, don’t feel you need to change! :) Part of it is just the whole learning process of parenting… feels like with 3 I’m finally catching on to what works and that mother’s intuition is finally really kicking in… :)

Kristen - August 18, 2010 - 8:19 pm

Just my view as a very involved Aunt – we were very strict with my first born nephew which was great because we knew when he would be napping, eating, etc. When my niece was born all schedules went out the window {my sister found herself being a single parent} BUT it was just as easy to schedule things because she would nap when she felt like it, maybe in the car or in my arms, but she napped. Now that they’re 3 and 5 you really can’t tell which one was on a schedule and which one wasn’t. I think it’s what works best for you and your family. Plus – life is rarely routine, so you’re introducing Corbin to normal life. Gotta make the best out of what you’ve got! Good luck :)

Jenn - August 18, 2010 - 7:24 pm

I was just having a conversation with another mom today about our kids and schedules. We were both wondering if we were screwing up big time because our little guys used to have strict schedules and now they don’t. I can tell you that we had Brady on a pretty strict schedule (bedtime and naptime) until Ella got here. It was nice to have a routine and that is important for kids. However, we missed out on a lot of events and activities because we would not want to mess up his schedule. With two kids, we don’t have the option to be that strict (and keep our sanity), so we just set goals…like to have Brady in bed by 9 and to make sure he naps if he wakes up before 10. Yes, he does sleep in until 10 sometimes and I am not crazy enough to wake him up! So, I think as long as you have a relative schedule that you are okay with adapting to your day, you will all be happy.

Rachel Faris - August 18, 2010 - 5:18 pm

Welcome to motherhood, and the challenges that come with it! Corbin will find a great routine in no time. Fortunately for you, it sounds like he’s sleeping great at night, which is one of the most sought after goals for any new parent! It’s quite possible that if he’s sleeping so great at night, that he may not be tired enough to nap every day. You may want to confirm the total number of hours your pediatrician recommends that he sleeps in a 24 hour period, and see about splitting the time up between sleeping all night and implementing a nap during the day. Some kids just don’t nap, and maybe he doesn’t want to miss out on all of the fun time with you by taking a nap :) . What you’re touching on here is something I still struggle with, which is finding the appropriate “balance” between being productive at work, being productive at home, spending quality time with your child, spending quality time with your spouse and spending quality time for yourself. Unfortunately, from my experience, this “balance” is unattainable. There is a perception out there that some people have it, and they don’t. If they tell you that they do, they’re lying! :) You only have so much energy, capacity, time, etc., in a day, and you will probably have to pick and choose how you will be spending your time. For me, I keep my weekends sacred to spend with my family. Yes, I try to run some errands and catch up on laundry, but it doesn’t rule my weekend. This means I can’t really ever get all of my laundry done, but I’ve learned to be okay with it. I also decided to pay to have someone clean my house every 2 weeks, so I didn’t feel like that was cutting into my family time. It’s well worth it and not as expensive as one might think! You all will find out what works well for your family, and I think that having a routine for Corbin will help you all out, but strict schedules can be pretty limiting. I think Elle is as well-rounded as she is because of our crazy, busy, lifestyle!

Jill - August 18, 2010 - 5:10 pm

So here’s my two cents. Leo’s never really had a “schedule” per se… just predictable patterns that he would fall into but switch up on his own accord every now and again. However, to make his schedule fit your life a little more, you do have some flexibility as far as adjusting feeding and nap times little by little each day. That is how we came to Leo’s bedtime being set at btwn. 7:30-8. Obviously that’s not set in stone. Sometimes we’ll go do things together as a family and maybe he won’t go to bed until 9 or 10. You definitely have some pull in the schedule area, but just like anything, it doesn’t have to be set in stone, nor will Corbin keep it set in stone. So breath! You’re doing a great job, and you can make Corbin’s bedtime earlier if you want (a process that will take a few days) so that you can go to bed with Donny!

melanie - August 18, 2010 - 4:14 pm

i feel ya to the tee! nori has actually put herself on a schedule. it just kinda works out that shes tired and hungry at the same times each day. but i dont plan around it. the beauty of breastfeeding…wherever u are, shes hungry, you feed her! but i used to wonder if id be more productive if she was routined, it just kinda worked itself out.:) the older he gets, the more he’ll set his own sched. thats my 2cents. :)

Annie - August 18, 2010 - 4:11 pm

As a momma with babies on schedules I think it’s vital. hahah But ask Andrea and she will tell you otherwise. It’s nice knowing what time the girls go down, when they wake up and what is the best time to go out and not have meltdowns. We are still working on Lou’s schedule, but I watch their signals and follow. It’s not strict, and I never wake them up. They wake up around 7:30 eat around 8:30. Lay down around 9:30 or 10 wake up between 11- 12. They eat around 12:30 then they have a snack around 3 Edie is down for a second nap around 3:30. She wakes up between 4:30 and 5. We all eat around 5:30 and they are down by 8 at the latest. If there was an event we might try to stay out a little later than normal, but most times we end up regretting that choice. I think having kids on a schedule provides the structure they need and makes them a happier baby. And schedules change all the time depending on their age, but I say give it a try. (sorry, this is really long. haha)

Katy - August 18, 2010 - 4:09 pm

Kelly I wouldn’t worry about it too much. I think people get too stressed out about having strict schedules and it ends up making things more complicated and a lot less fun for the whole family. While it’s good to do some things regularly, you still have to do what’s best for you guys, and no one knows that except you guys. As a mom of 3, I’ve just found that it’s easier to adapt to a baby, than to have a baby adapt to you. When he’s hungry- you know, when he’s tired-you know, and obviously he’s a bright healthy baby who seems to be thriving. For me, I like having a nap schedule just so I know when my little ones are going to sleep at night, get up in the morning, and sleep during the day and I somewhat plan around that, but every day is definitely not the same and we all adapt. And we didn’t have a sleep schedule at all until our kids were probably around 6-9 months, and then it just seemed like they came up with a schedule for themselves. So I definitely wouldn’t worry about it-you’re a great mom and no matter what, you have to do what’s best for your family-schedule or not. Thanks!

Rachel Heinbaugh - August 18, 2010 - 4:08 pm

Hey! Sounds to me like you are doing it right! With Jamin we are fairly strict on bedtime, because he isn’t a big napper but that didn’t happen till 4 months. But from what you said of your routing so far, seems like you are very intune to his needs and are making sure he is eating and sleeping on cue which is most important!!!! I don’t think strict schedule is as important as routines so he knows to expect when naps will happen and for transitions. But a lot of that happens almost naturally the older they get! Keep up the great work!!!!!

5 months old » You Make Me Live - September 15, 2010 - 11:40 pm

[...] – thanks to everyone who shared their input / advice on my last post about a schedule. We have decided to just continue with our “go with the flow” lifestyle because he has [...]

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